The Shine Journal

I Remember

 

by

 

R. Baker

 

 

 

 

I remember when

I was young

I remember being 6 years old

and being put to work

I remember cutting white peoples' lawns

and their looks of disdain

I remember my dad smiling

and acting pleased at their insults

I remember my brother and I wondering

why

 

I remember cleaning schools

after school

I remember my first bike

put together from broken down old parts and spray painted black

I remember being proud of it too

until I went to school and saw all the new shiny bikes

I remember baiting mousetraps…

heads 25 cents, nothing for tails

I remember wondering

why

 

I remember how

Martin Luther King made me feel

I remember the love, emotion

and pain he sung in every speech

I remember the pain

and sense of hopelessness I felt when he was assassinated

I remember the anger I felt when

Malcolm X was gunned down

I remember Bobby, John and Medgar

all dying because they dared to talk freedom

I remember praying in church

for that better day God promised

I remember asking God,

“What did we do?”

I remember asking my God

why

 

I remember seeing Negroes

being beat, hosed, hung, jailed over this thing called equality

I remember being stopped by police

repeatedly just to check my ID

I remember being stopped by police

repeatedly because I was in the car with a white woman

I remember being jumped by police

during the Super Bowl in Pasadena

I remember police pulling a gun on my dad

and all he was doing was picking up a friend to go fishing

I remember shaking my head

and asking why anyone has to go through this

 

I remember being

Nigger, Niggra, Spook, Coon, Jigaboo, Colored, Negro and Afro-American

I remember being

Black, African-American and finally American

I remember being

less than a man, 3/5 of a man and finally a man

I remember thinking

why did this take so long?

 

I remember our family

moving to Carmichael

I remember our family

being the only black family in the school district

I remember being called nigger repeatedly

as I walked to school by myself that first day

I remember the fear

I felt that never seems to go away

I remember dating a white girl for two years

and having my white friend pick her up for every date

I remember going to the same church

with that girl’s mother

I remember wondering

why does racism exist?

 

I remember struggling to find my place

on the college campus

I remember never being raised with prejudice

or believing in discrimination of any sort

I remember the college campus

as being a bastion of racial separation

I remember being judged by black and white

because I stood in the middle

I remember sighing and thinking

where do I belong?

 

I remember only able to set my sights

so high

I remember being

successful

I remember success

bringing loneliness

I remember always being

the only African-American in any meeting

I remember never having a mentor

of color to help me through

I remember being viewed

as an affirmative action project

I remember asking

what gives you the right to think white is better?

 

I remember a lot of good people

along the way

I remember people who stood for right

in the face of wrong

I remember people of faith

who never gave up the faith

I remember people who mentored me along the way

because they believed in me

I remember teachers who recognized my potential

and helped me bring it out

I remember friends

who truly love me

I remember singing

“we shall overcome”

I remember chanting

“Jah will provide”

I remember that someday

we were to be free

I remember wondering

when

 

I remember vowing

never to forget

I remember vowing

to live free

I remember becoming

strong through it all

I remember how

my dad taught us to cope

I remember how

I’ve taught my own daughters to take control of their lives

I remember I came from a family

that doesn’t quit

I remember vowing

never to forget

 

 

I now feel that I am able to forget

I now feel that healing is finally taking place

I now feel that God’s hand has touched us in a special way

I now feel that freedom is a choice and we better take full reigns of our lives

 

An African has become President of the United States

An African-American has become President of the United States

An African with white lineage has become President of the United States

 

From my father’s pain

From my mom’s heartache

To my peoples sorrows

We finally discover that we are free

 

I vowed never to forget

 

NOW I CAN

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MOTIVATION: "Written in honor of President Obama and reflections upon my life."

BIO: "I'm just a person that lives with passion....a passion for life, environment, commonality, understanding, politics, family and love.  I can only write what is truly felt...take no offense.  I was shaped by the turbulent 60's where you had to stand for something, but I'm always looking with excitement toward tomorrow."

Photo by Loretta Humble