The Shine Journal

An Undoing

by

Larry Bell

Lainey studied the circles under her daughter Sarah’s eyes. They were like the dark half of the moon, hidden in shadow. How thin she was—had always been—and now her head was fully bare, the last strands falling out weeks ago. Her hair had been such a beautiful dishwater blonde. From birth, Sarah had suffered an agony that matured her a decade beyond her six years.

Ten minutes ago, the doctor’s words had confirmed with a complete finality what Lainey already knew. Three months. Six months, maybe. There would be no miracle, no answered prayers. “I’m sorry, Lainey,” Dr. Stratton had said.

Sarah sat on the floor of the waiting room reading a children’s book, breezing through it effortlessly. She had come to read voraciously these last few years. Reading was really all she had the energy to do. Lainey sat in a chair watching her daughter while waiting for the receptionist to set the next appointment—the visit when they would decide how much of Sarah’s pain would be eased with medication.  The more drugs, the less pain Sarah would feel but the less she would be aware during those last days.

A figure dressed in black from neck to foot sat down next to Lainey. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Evans,” he said. His deep voice seemed to resonate from everywhere in the room, echoing off the walls.

Lainey turned her head toward the man’s face but something kept her from seeing directly into his eyes. Her peripheral vision was enough to see the empty blackness under his brow. “Who are you?”

“It is not, who I am, it is, why I am.”

Lainey felt herself being drawn to him. “Then,” she asked, “Why are you?”

“To offer you new possibilities, Mrs. Evans. An alternate fate, perhaps. That is why I am.”

“And you are someone that can make that happen?” She looked over at her daughter. Sarah sat unmoving, still on the floor with the book. Lainey found the receptionist to be stopped in midsentence, speaking something she was unable to finish. Everyone who had been engaged in hushed talk minutes before, was now motionless and silent, statues frozen in time.

“Mrs. Evans, you may revisit the past at a time you choose. Whoever you were then, you will be again—a toddler, a girl, a young woman—but you will have the knowledge of the future and the ability to change one act or one decision in your past life.”

The man touched Lainey’s hand and her life was shown as if a movie was being projected inside her head. Each year passed by in seconds but she perceived it all and as lost memories gained new life, Lainey would be crying in one instant and laughing in the next. When it was over, she walked over to her daughter and kissed her on the head. She touched her cheek and breathed in her daughter’s scent. She wrapped her arms around Sarah and wept. After she whispered, “I love you,” she turned back to the dark figure and said, “I’m ready.”

There was a flash of white and then Lainey’s past faded into reality. She was now standing in her bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. There weren’t as many lines stretching across her forehead and the wrinkles on her cheeks were missing. Her skin glowed more than it had in the last several years and her eyes seemed to be a brighter blue.

In her hand, Lainey held a small container. It was filled with twenty-some tiny pills organized by days of the week. This had been the exact moment when she decided she would no longer take them. She had thrown the pills away, burying them in the trash can.

This time, Lainey removed one of the pills and placed it on her tongue. “I will always love you and honor your memory, Sarah,” she said aloud. And then she swallowed.

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BIO: Larry is a husband and father of five living in northeast Ohio.

MOTIVATION: A writing prompt where a woman is given the opportunity to go back in time and change one event in her life.

Image By: Jenny Erickson