Somebody Please Adopt Me
I went into the office,
And asked the man above,
I want to be adopted;
I want someone to love.
My mother doesn’t want me,
Because I’ll stretch her tummy.
My father doesn’t want me,
Because I’ll spend his money.
The guy behind the counter,
He took the short way out,
Said, “You can’t be adopted,
Because you’re an adult.”
Somebody please adopt me.
I promise I’ll be young;
All bubbly, cute, and cuddly,
And we’ll have lots of fun.
I’ll never spend your money,
I’m sure it will work out.
I’ll never stretch your tummy,
Because I am adult.
Lucky Fat Girl
Lucky fat girl, as a teen,
Gets rejected right away.
Gets rejected first time out,
And then so often that she learns,
Decades early, what the others,
With their husbands and their homes,
With their own rebellious teens,
After all the years invested,
After all the time and effort,
Finally learn: There’s nothing in it.
Lucky fat girl after all.
Wide, Wide Feet
There once was a boy with feet so wide,
He was known all over the countryside,
And in this affliction he must abide,
For he was a boy with wide, wide feet.
And when he went walking -- of course he knew why –
The town dogs would bark and the babies would cry.
The people would point at him as he walked by,
And only because he had wide, wide feet.
One day he was walking, beginning to tire,
A couple streets over, he noticed a fire,
Crowds shoving and running, ashout with great ire, Then
“Aren’t you the boy with the wide, wide feet?”
So they took him along to help in the fight,
And he stomped on that fire with all of his might,
And he had that fire out before it was night.
He knew how to use those wide, wide feet.
Then the story was told throughout the land,
And everyone thought it was something grand.
The mayor came over and shook his hand,
Said, “I wish I could have wide, wide feet.”