KAIROS
by
Cindy M. Kelly
The space of time
between breathing
and closing my eyes,
that split second
before I feel the static
of his lips almost touching
mine – pay attention –
it never feels the same,
exactly, again.
The little blink
between the first glance
and the smile of recognition-
it's in that instant
when I catch my breath
and feel alive again.
That catch-me-off-guard
when an old friend's
hands come round
from behind to cover
my eyes – it's between that
and the guess who.
The smile-inside of hearing
his voice the first time
he called, it's that moment
right before that –
when he breathed in
and I wished it was him.
It's that lean-in moment,
that sense something's
just about to happen –
it's the almost that's erotic.
It's the second I feel his hand
about to touch mine
but not quite yet.
It's the know
he's going to.
It's the almost kiss.
And it only happens once.
It's the better-than-everything
else of friends who sleep
next to each other,
share blankets,
and the wanting
that makes you scoot
closer together.
It's the waiting
for the movie
to get scary enough,
the excuse
to grab on
and not let go.
It's that last piece of pizza
we shared,
the last bite
between us
when his lips
touched mine
and he bit down hard
to keep it from being
a kiss.
It's the quiet between
the laughter,
that head-over-heels,
the drink that finally makes me
tipsy, the hit that makes
the boxer dizzy,
fall down.
It's the feeling of driving
in the winter
with the heat on,
windows down,
the breath I take
before screaming
at the top of my lungs
from the rooftop
of the tallest building around.
It's knowing
if I opened my eyes,
I'd break the illusion
and knowing
it only happens
before the first times-
it's why we never go
through with it.
It's why we always stop
at almost,
why our hearts
are always breaking
for wanting to.
It's the feeling
of you staring
at me
when I'm sleeping
and hoping
I don't have to
wake up yet.
It's hoping we always
stop at the almost,
it's preserving
the magic, the static,
the quiet, the shiver.
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I write sporadically. I live sporadically. I'm often thankful that I have an unusual family and even more unusual friends. They are my constant inspiration. When I'm not writing, I'm making quirky, whimsical painted things to sell in my Life On Europa line, currently only available at Olde Garage (www.oldegarage.com) or at Wholly Craft (http://www.myspace.com/whollycraft) in Columbus, Ohio. I live in Amsterdam, Ohio with my Himalayan cat, Ursala Miner. I'' an English Major/Writing Minor at Kent State University. My other hobbies include volunteering with high school Theatre students, blogging, reading and arguing about classic and contemporary literature, and altering books. I'm also one of the founding members of The Appalachian Square Table and editor of Plain Spoke, an Appalachian-Americana Literary and Folk Art Journal.
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