The Shine Journal

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Really Off The Hook






Mike Evans





By coincidence, Pam’s flight arrived just as Julie’s left.  Pam’s overarching excitement to see me came as a surprise as we had only been dating for three months, and she knew all along that I was moving to Florida in June. The idea of a long-term relationship was over as far as I was concerned – she had different ideas.


 I paid the airport parking lot attendant and we started the long drive across the causeway to my rented house.  The night air was hot and muggy; I had the car windows down and the air conditioner on full blast, mixing a swirl of hot and cold air about our faces.  Pam started kissing me passionately all over as I drove.  We got to my house and immediately wanted to begin having sex.


Later she told me that she wanted to move to Florida and get an apartment of her own, but that she would let me – “do my own thing.”  Yeah right.  I knew from my past experience with her that this was just a ploy for her to try and get control.  That it would never work out that way.  I told her that as far as I was concerned, the idea of her moving to Florida was out of the question.


A few days later I had a date with a girl I had met in a bar.  I had been in Florida alone for four months and didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to establish a new friendship.  I had become so desperate for human contact that I had been chatting up the clerks at 7-11 for human interaction.


I told Pam that I had a business meeting and left her alone in the house.  Worried that Julie might call while I was out, I told Pam that the phone was out of order and disconnected it.  But knowing how crafty she was from the outrageous lies I had heard her tell her mother for no apparent reason, I knew that just taking the phone jack out of the wall wouldn’t suffice, so I went outside and cut the telephone wires from the side of the house, planning to repair them later.


The date with my new friend went well.  She offered to pay but I refused.  As soon as I came in from the date, Pam, from across the room, looked directly at me and said, “Julie called.”


 What,” I shot back in horror.


 “Yeah, Julie called,” she said againnonchalantly.


 I felt heat rushing to my face, turning it beet red as sweat formed thick  and heavy in my armpits.


 “Well … what did you say to her?” I asked.


“I told her that I was your roommate’s ex-wife and that I had come by to bring him some clothes,” she said.


 What?  My roommate’s ex-wife?  I didn’t even have a roommate.  How nice of Pam to try and cover for me even as she was finding me out.  Well, at least one of the relationships might be salvaged, I thought.


That was something I really liked about Pam, her ability to think so quickly on her feet.  But it was also one of the reasons I could never stay with her – because I would never know when I would end up the victim of one of her well-planned lies.


How could she have possibly known how to reconnect the phone lines outside in the dark, I wondered.  After all, my Father had worked for the Telephone Company for thirty-five years and with what I had picked up from him, it wasn’t all that easy for me to do it in the daylight.


“Julie told me to tell you she misses her Woodle after spending last week here with you,” Pam said.


 Ugh, I thought as a weight thudded heavily down into the pit of my stomach.


“WHAT THE HECK’S A WOODLE!” Pam screamed.


“Look,” I began.


 “I don’t care,” she yelled.  “I can’t believe you did this to me.  How long have you been seeing this Julie anyway?” she asked.


 “I was dating her before I met you, and I’ve been trying to break up with her for months.  I really loved her but it just didn’t work out.  I was trying to let her down easy,” I said.


“Easy!  What about me?” Pam screamed.  “You’ve been sleeping with both of us at the same time haven’t you?  For God’s sake Mike, I could tell from talking to her that you dropped her off and picked me up at the airport at the same time.  What a sleazebag!”


I chuckled to myself as the thought of the disconnected phone lines came back to mind.  How could she have possibly known how to reconnect them?  And why would she anyway?


I turned and noticed a pink envelope like Julie used on the floor through my bedroom door.  I knew it wasn’t there when I left because I had hidden all of Julie’s letters safely in the bottom of my toolbox in the garage.


I glared at Pam and stepped quickly to the phone and lifted the receiver.  It was dead.

Over the last fifteen years, Evans has published over fifty articles and short stories for magazines such as Talent, Hard Times, and Talkers. A chapter from, Traveling to the White House, Using Hot Passes to Enter the White House, was published by Left Curve magazine in Volume IV, Number 23.


Evans has appeared in six Hollywood films. These include a starring role with Oscar nominee Robert Downey Jr., in the political documentary, The Last Party. In addition, Evans has appeared in the films, Natural Born Killers by Oliver Stone, and the Pelican Brief with Julia Roberts. He also made appearances in the political films, The War Room with James Carville, and Feed by Brian Springer. He has appeared on MTV, and was interviewed for the film The Last Party on the nationally syndicated radio show, Living Today.




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