The Shine Journal

The Tides of Yule

 by

Fionnuala Kearney

Photo by: Hilde Vanstraelen

You smile, trying, but not succeeding, to place the box under the tree without my noticing. I don’t smile back because I did see you. And your box. And the fact that it’s the same size and shape as last year and the year before that.

In bed, I silently rage as you loudly man-handle me. I am but a means to your pleasure, a Chanel scented body at your disposal. I allow my mind to wander.

What if tomorrow there was no fire burning in the hearth? No silly coloured hats from cheap crackers, no overcooked turkey, or seasonal vegetables? What if I just walk away? We have no children. You would cope. I might even be happy.

It snows on Christmas morning. You are thrilled, like a child, whooping with delight. As I peel the potatoes, you grab me by the hand and insist that we play in the snow. For a few moments, I forget. I forget to hate you.

The table is set. Red and gold this year. The fire warms the hearth and the room. The roasted turkey, surprisingly cooked to perfection, rests under tin foil. Our family have arrived, Pavorotti oozes Holy Night. It’s almost a scene from a movie. It’s a wonderful life, this life of mine.

Soon it’s time. Gifts. We both open the family’s offering. This year, it’s a fabulous shiny red coffee machine and I can see exactly where it will go. In the folds of my brain, it sits in an imaginary cherry kitchen, with a window to the ocean, far away from here. I smile my thanks, my voice suddenly awol. You are peeling the paper from my gift to you. It’s a large box, but you find another box inside and then another. Oh you!”

You giggle but I can sense your frustration until finally you get to the last box. You hold it up. It mirrors the one I have in my hand. I open your gift to me. Chanel No 5. You open my gift to you. Chanel No 5. Your eyebrows move up and down.

I’m packing. Warm clothes. Malibu, I think, listening to the melee downstairs and looking out at the snow. 

BIO: Wife, Mother, Ex Relocation Agent! Completed one novel, am working on another. New to shorter genres and has been previously published in The Shine Journal.

MOTIVATION: I wanted to write a piece for Christmas that wasn't necessarily all about joys and giving. Sometimes Christmas is a time that brings feelings to a head for many people - this was what inspired the story.