The Shine Journal

 

 

Just to let you know

 

 

I miss you.

I know that missing you won’t change what you’re going through,

How are you?
Did you cry today?

I did.

Where’s your sister?
Did you see her today?

How’s your daily changed foster parent?

Do they tell you I love you like I used to do.

I’m sorry but you don’t know that I am.

I hope you forgive me

I know that I can’t.

The vision of you asking for me makes me quit.

Quit the excuses.

Quit the they did it.

Forget the justice mess.

I wanna come home.

I love Raul and Miranda.

You are not alone.

Mommy loves you.

I love you.

I love you.

Just to let you know.

 

 

 

 

 

Defective

 

For DCF.

 

When we refuse to be sick, defective, diseased, disordered, disturbed.

When we dare to proclaim our humanity
When we accuse them of insanity

They call it “lack of insight” into our condition.

This is so unreal it is fiction

Here take a dose

Tomorrow you will see

How it’s all in your mind

At the end of your session at therapy

Paranoid Disorder

She didn’t tell the truth

Psychological evaluation at the age of two

There must be something wrong with her.

Her husband would never.  He has 4.0 average IQ

This is not all your fault

You don’t know what you’re doing

Left work at five to pick up his little girl who won’t end her cries.

“What happened my dear?”
Pick up the phone call for help so there won’t be more tears.

They are here.

Accusations of neglect

The daycare was fear.

“Sorry my dear.  See you next year. Service plan ain’t done yet. I’ll let you know

when mamas near.”

 

 

 

 

 

The Strength to say I love you

 

For my mother

 

The strength to say I love you when all else has gone wrong.  I’m tired of the sorrys and the made up love songs.  They were excuses I made up for your reason.  I didn’t understand why you would act this way towards me.  Our relationship I kept cleaning, storing away my sorrow in the closet of the heart.  You said you loved me, but yet kept us apart.  I know you knew that you were doing it while my tears ran down my face.  I wipe everyday what to you is love to me is disgrace.  Who would think to believe you gave me life, you showed me hate.  Til this day my own children suffer your hate.  I don’t know why you do it find pleasure in your soul.  I really wanna love you in the days that you’re old.  I forgive you for everything and anything that was said and done.  If you find the strength to say I love you when all else has gone wrong.

 

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BIO: SONIA MENDEZ  is a twenty six year old woman who has suffered many injustices growing up and “now I found love in my two children who were and continue to be stripped from my arms for no reason other than ambition.  I’m currently incarcerated, been hurt by those I love, but don’t love me.  I won’t give up, my life isn’t finished.  One day I’ll change the past.”

 

Motivation: Mom, DCF, Medication, Children