The Shine Journal

by

Lenora Nunnley

So…what happens when you see blue lights?  Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.  When we (drivers) see blue lights (the police) we all have different reactions; however, some things are universal.  

Police officers enjoy hiding in bushes along the freeway or relaxing on the shoulder with their stupid little radars on full blast.  Why?  They have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for someone who is exceeding the speed limit.  When driving on the interstate and you spot a car with the signature blue lights, your heart will skip one beat and you will hit your brakes. Phrases like “Oh crap the police!” or single words like Jesus!” will blurt from you mouth (These are censored responses; I’ll leave the others to your imagination).  Despite your obvious reaction to the situation, passengers will warn you that a police car is ahead.  I don’t care if the speed limit is 65 mph and you are driving 64 mph (I know… highly unlikely) your foot will shift from the gas to the brake.  It is an involuntary action…we all do it.

 In most cases, you will have fair warning that a police car is ahead.  If you see everyone in front of you suddenly hitting their brakes, don’t wonder why.  Don’t be a dummy, hit your brakes mostly to avoid hitting people from behind but to also avoid being pulled over by the police officer.  For those of us with lead feet, we just might be the rabbit speeding ahead and leading the pack along th e interstate.  If this is you, you might not see the hidden police car and experience the flashing blue lights.  In such cases, the following stages will occur:

Denial: At first we wish to believe that the bright blue flashes are not meant for us.   This is where you start talking to yourself.  Streamline thoughts are spoken aloud: Oh no…the police… how fast was I going?...are they turning?…no…dang it…still behind me…what if I pretend I didn’t see them…no…they’ll send me to jail…sigh…alright, enough…turn off your lights…can’t you see I’m pulling over…maybe I should start crying…no…I was speeding because I was about to wet my pants…I think my registration is still good…I hope nobody sees me…Dear God.

The Freeze:  Once you pull over and put the car in park, time seems to freeze…rather move in slow motion.  By now, everyone in the car is quiet and still.  Music is turned off and seat belts are buckled.  As you stare at your rearview mirror (you never turn around to look), it seems like it takes an hour for the police officer to get out of the car and tap on your window.  

The Microwave Prayer: This prayer is very quick but quite sincere.  Like food in a microwave this prayer gets heated in a few seconds as you beg for help. This prayer will most likely end with “I’ll never do it again...if you get me out this time God.”  Yeah right. Who are we fooling? God? Think again.

Awkward Greeting:  The police will always say something like “Hi, how are you doing today.”  In the back of your head you will be thinking…I ought to smack you up side your head…you know doggone well I’m no doing too well today…how are you doing today?...huh…how would you be doing if I reversed this car and smashed your stinking toes?  Nevertheless, you will probably answer the question by saying, “Fine” and make a general comment about the weathe r.

The Question: Some police officers will ask you why you got pulled over.  These are the worse.  If you say “no” then you’re going to get a crazy look or perhaps be told to step outside of the vehicle with your hands above your head.  If you say “yes” you might reveal something that the police officer was unaware of.

The Sentence: This is the step that occurs after all the talking, viewing of paperwork, and other unnecessary things.  It is during this time that the ticket (or hopefully warning) is written.  As you sit there waiting for your sentence you conclude that “This has been a bad day.”

The Goodbye: Of course the police (who just helped the state’s revenue out by issuing a ticket) is in a good mood.  He/she will certainly wish you a good day before arrogantly trotting back to his/her stupid little police car.

The Drive Away:  You never want to pull off before the police officer leaves.  You allow the police officer to merge back into traffic then you get back on the road…feeling like a load of soggy mildewed 85 year old socks that have been fermenting in mustard and vinegar.  The rest of the ride is silent.  If someone talks, you rigidly crane your neck in their direction and give them a look of death.  After just one of these “death” looks nobody else will dare open their mouth…not even to yawn.  The speed limit may be 65 mph, but you will definitely be going at most 61 mph.